Best Friends Forever

He's been the best buddy I've ever had. We're going on 44 years (Jan. 7th) together, and it has been a wonderful life.
He walked into Ken's Big Boy on Loch Raven Blvd. one frigid end of January night. I was sitting with my sister's future sister-in-law. We were just hangin' before we knew what that even meant. Nancy knew Jim, had known him for awhile, they were part of the Idlewild crowd. She introduced me to him and his best friend, Sal. I was impressed. He was cool; he was dapper. What else can you say about a guy around 20 (who looked about 16) who wore a chapeau? Conversation was sprinkled with some winks, and lots of smiles. He took my phone number, and whoa, he was gonna call me.
Sure!
I waited days, and no call. Hmmmm....I was guessing he was just too good to be true.
Lo, and behold! I ran into him at Ken's a few days later. Was all set to ignore the chapeau-ed, navy-blue, collar-up, wind-breakered bub. But he was all apologetic, and sweet with his story about his grandmother washing his shirt with the phone # in the pocket, and smearing all over the shirt. (Mom, as he lovingly called her, was not happy.)
Well, I believed him, and so began our great love story!
Within a year, we were married. He was on active duty in the Navy, so we did not even get a honeymoon. Poor guy had a cruise to Puerto Rico the week after our nuptials. Me, I went back to work at P.H. & H., and a lonely efficiency apartment off Sinclair Ln.
We wrote torrid love letters, and angsted over our separation. The 28 days we were apart felt like an endless suspension of time. I believe I cried myself to sleep just about every night. Jim, as a sailor, could hardly allow himself to weep for me, but his letters told of his anguish at being un-whole without me.
Somehow we survived this separation, only to repeat it again and again over a two year period.
Finally he left the Navy, and we had our first bundle of joy, Anita or Tina, as we nicknamed her.
Life was good: Jim started working for Stewart's as an assistant Men's Wear Buyer, we had our baby, and another on the way. Lisa was born on January 22nd, 1970; she had TGV. Transposition of the Greater Vessels did not come with a good prognosis. Eventual correction of the heart problem was inevitable, but, when, we did not know. Monthly visits to Johns Hopkins for tests and work-ups was the short term care plan. By the time Lisa was 17 months old, not able to crawl and at about just 17 lbs., we were sent to Buffalo Children's hospital for corrective surgery. We drove; Jim, Lisa, and I. We were hopeful, but the outcome proved to be traumatic. Lisa did not survive, but she did go HOME. And she's always been our little saint in charge of keeping the love alive in our family. To Be Continued.

When we moved from Pittsburgh back to Maryland ( we only lived there for 18 months, and I always said God put us there so that Anita and Martin could meet, fall in love and get married), we had to put all our "stuff" in storage, as we sold our Pittsburgh house, but had not found a home in Maryland. I was not thrilled at the prospect of having very few of my things with me, but as it turned out, it was so liberating.

Today, as I prepared for my excursion to Mercy Hospital where I will have a Nissen Fundoplication (hiatal hernia repair), I removed all my jewelry, gave Jim my insurance card, and photo id, and handed over all my cash to him, I felt that liberation once again. No purse, no jewelry, no money, not even a cup of coffee, and I didn't have to take my meds either. What freedom!!!

Don't get me wrong: I love my "stuff", but there's lots to be said for "surrender".

Yesterday, I prepared myself spiritually. I went to confession, was blessed by Fr. Frank, went to Mass, and received Communion. I hugged a few people, and I surrendered myself to God. How freeing it is! Thank you, God, for Your comforting love. Thank you much loved family and friends for your prayers. God bless us all.

Letting Go

Today as I was saying my morning prayers, my mind wandered to the story of that nice young man in the Gospel who wanted to know what he could do to be saved in addition to keeping the commandments. When Christ told him to sell everything and follow Him, he was very disappointed and sad because he wasn't ready to give up everything.

I find myself being very empathetic to that young man, because I don't think I could do that either. I love the people in my life: my husband, children, grandchildren, sisters, brothers, father, friends, et al. And I love my "stuff": houses, books, religious articles, computers, clothes, ipod, games, etc. Just give it all up??!!

But maybe that's not exactly what Jesus meant.

For some reason thinking about my "Peeps" and my "stuff" triggered the memory of a dream I had many times when I was a little girl.

I would walk into a room filled with candy, cake, ice cream, milk shakes, sundaes: every goodie you could imagine. I was in a virtual (Dreams were the original "virtual", don't you agree?) Dee and the Goody Factory, and I could devour anything I wanted.

I would walk around, and stalk my "prey", until I had a good helping of everything I found to be most fulfilling for my sweet teeth. (One was just not enough, all my teeth desired sweets.) I would sit on a puffy, pink, pedestal, and begin to take a bite out of this tempestuous cuisine. As soon as I opened my mouth to taste the forbidden purveyors of cavities, shock & extreme disappointment would follow, for I would wake up! Ohhh, how crazily sad & disappointed I would be. All the anticipation of chowing down on good stuff was wiped out by awaking to reality.

In two weeks I will be having surgery. I will be in the able hands of a very skillful surgeon. However, who can prepare for surgery without that intrusive thought creeping in: "Suppose I don't wake up?!"

Is this nagging fear about having surgery in two weeks being assuaged by the meaning of my childhood dream, and at the same time solving the conundrum of Christ's missa es?

In spite of all we are promised in eternity, i.e. eternal happiness, perfect love, the kingdom, salvation, being with God, etc., who is ever ready to give up all the comforts of relationships and earthly pleasures? Hmmm, still not easy, but I AM comforted by Christ's words "Be not afraid". If this is my time to follow Him, and feast on the real Divine Delectibles, I'm sure I will revel in my endless sleep.

Who wants my camera?