When we moved from Pittsburgh back to Maryland ( we only lived there for 18 months, and I always said God put us there so that Anita and Martin could meet, fall in love and get married), we had to put all our "stuff" in storage, as we sold our Pittsburgh house, but had not found a home in Maryland. I was not thrilled at the prospect of having very few of my things with me, but as it turned out, it was so liberating.

Today, as I prepared for my excursion to Mercy Hospital where I will have a Nissen Fundoplication (hiatal hernia repair), I removed all my jewelry, gave Jim my insurance card, and photo id, and handed over all my cash to him, I felt that liberation once again. No purse, no jewelry, no money, not even a cup of coffee, and I didn't have to take my meds either. What freedom!!!

Don't get me wrong: I love my "stuff", but there's lots to be said for "surrender".

Yesterday, I prepared myself spiritually. I went to confession, was blessed by Fr. Frank, went to Mass, and received Communion. I hugged a few people, and I surrendered myself to God. How freeing it is! Thank you, God, for Your comforting love. Thank you much loved family and friends for your prayers. God bless us all.

Letting Go

Today as I was saying my morning prayers, my mind wandered to the story of that nice young man in the Gospel who wanted to know what he could do to be saved in addition to keeping the commandments. When Christ told him to sell everything and follow Him, he was very disappointed and sad because he wasn't ready to give up everything.

I find myself being very empathetic to that young man, because I don't think I could do that either. I love the people in my life: my husband, children, grandchildren, sisters, brothers, father, friends, et al. And I love my "stuff": houses, books, religious articles, computers, clothes, ipod, games, etc. Just give it all up??!!

But maybe that's not exactly what Jesus meant.

For some reason thinking about my "Peeps" and my "stuff" triggered the memory of a dream I had many times when I was a little girl.

I would walk into a room filled with candy, cake, ice cream, milk shakes, sundaes: every goodie you could imagine. I was in a virtual (Dreams were the original "virtual", don't you agree?) Dee and the Goody Factory, and I could devour anything I wanted.

I would walk around, and stalk my "prey", until I had a good helping of everything I found to be most fulfilling for my sweet teeth. (One was just not enough, all my teeth desired sweets.) I would sit on a puffy, pink, pedestal, and begin to take a bite out of this tempestuous cuisine. As soon as I opened my mouth to taste the forbidden purveyors of cavities, shock & extreme disappointment would follow, for I would wake up! Ohhh, how crazily sad & disappointed I would be. All the anticipation of chowing down on good stuff was wiped out by awaking to reality.

In two weeks I will be having surgery. I will be in the able hands of a very skillful surgeon. However, who can prepare for surgery without that intrusive thought creeping in: "Suppose I don't wake up?!"

Is this nagging fear about having surgery in two weeks being assuaged by the meaning of my childhood dream, and at the same time solving the conundrum of Christ's missa es?

In spite of all we are promised in eternity, i.e. eternal happiness, perfect love, the kingdom, salvation, being with God, etc., who is ever ready to give up all the comforts of relationships and earthly pleasures? Hmmm, still not easy, but I AM comforted by Christ's words "Be not afraid". If this is my time to follow Him, and feast on the real Divine Delectibles, I'm sure I will revel in my endless sleep.

Who wants my camera?